Get Your Healing Sis!

Mental Health Awareness

If you do not heal from what hurt you, you’ll bleed all over people who didn’t cut you! 

How many times have you been told to “Just let it go and move on”? How many times have you been told “You’re overthinking it, it’s not that serious”?  Letting go? Moving on? S*^t why didn’t I think of that!! DON’T LET THAT SHIT GO! BE WITH THAT SHIT! DEAL WITH THAT SHIT! HEAL FROM THAT SHIT! AND THEN, WHEN YOUR READY, LET THAT SHIT GO!

Honestly, what are you in rush for? Is there some big event that’s being held that only people who “claim” they are healed can attend? Do you think that if you take the time to heal yourself you are going to miss out on something spectacular? No Sis, You aren’t missing out on NADA

I read somewhere that the wound is probably not your fault, but your healing is your responsibility (read that again sis).  No one else can heal for you, so don’t let anyone tell you that you need to move on or, that the trauma that you may have faced it’s not that serious! 

Stop trying to drink, smoke, ignore and fuck the pain away… face it, feel it and acknowledge it. Some of you (yes you) are only physically present, but your every response, reaction and fear is coming from your past! 

Pretending to be savage,  won’t heal that hole in your heart babygirl. 

Think about it… not healing leaves you trapped, and every time you experience a stressful situation your body will release the same exact chemicals that were released when that particular traumatic event occurred. That means that you will relieve the same experience hundred of times simply because you haven’t HEALED!

Sit with it. 

Sit with it. 

Sit with it. 

Sit with it.

Even though you may want to run. Even though it may be stressful and  a burden at times. Even though you’re not quite sure of the way through. Sit with it, the healing is in the feeling! 

Now, I am not saying that this is going to be an easy process, no boo it’ll be down right difficult at times! But it is a hell of a lot easier than pretending to be healed! Please dont turn into that girl that runs around screaming “fuck feelings” (Im begging you)! For one that’s tired and two you’ll look like a whole sociopath ! 

Don’t fake it until you make it, 

Face it until you heal from it! 

Here are a few tips to help you on your journey to healing:

  1. Accept it: Accept that there is a trauma. No matter how small or big, ACCEPT IT! 
  2. Admit it: Rather than walking around pretending that everything is okay when it’s not, admit that there is something wrong, admit that something is bothering you. Stop trying to boss your way through, baby girl you have nothing to prove to anyone but YOU! 
  3. Forgive yourself: SIS, It’s okay that you let yourself be vulnerable, it’s okay that you let your guard down. You’re human, so quit being so hard on yourself. 
  4. Forgive the person/situation: FREE YOURSELF SIS. To forgive is to loosen the restraints that have been placed over your life by that particular person or situation. Don’t allow anyone or anything to have the power to control your emotions, your feelings YOUR LIFE! 
  5. Trust yourself: When you’ve admitted it, accepted it, and have forgiven yourself as well as the person/ situation, then and only then should you give yourself permission to let the shit go!

It’s 2020 and  we’re working on becoming healed and flourishing Women! Remember you are a boss, we don’t pretend nor hide who we are.. 

Mastering the Method of Saying "NO"

Mental Health Awareness

Why is it so difficult for us to just say “NO”?

Saying yes when everything in me wants to say no, has always been a major struggle! I rant and rave about self-care and Mental Health, and I am quickly learning that saying yes to s^*$ that I need to say no to is essentially putting myself on the back burner.

Essentially, when you do this you are placing the needs of everyone else before your own and inevitably your priorities become second to theirs. And Sis, that is not okay. PERIODT!

Recently, I have been experiencing HIGH levels of stress (In other words I’ve been stressed the f*^@ out) because I’ve been allowing myself to commit to the needs of others. There are goals that I’ve set for myself,  which I would like to accomplish within specific time frames, yet and still, I chose to put the needs of others before mine because I’ve failed to say NO.

The things that I was committing myself to were more convenient for everyone else, but posed a huge inconvenience for myself!

After I almost had a mental breakdown from being completely overwhelmed, I knew I had to take a moment and focus on myself!

All the stress that I was experiencing could have easily been avoided if I had just been honest with myself and everyone else around me. There is no way that I could possibly be present for everyone else when I was absent with myself. Anyone who has ever traveled has heard this at one point in time: “In case of emergency, air masks will drop from the ceiling. If you are traveling with a minor, please put on your own mask before helping the minor.” It was at that moment, I realized that I would be no good to others if I didn’t take care of myself.

I’ve never been the kind of person who goes back on their word, but I had to let everyone know that I could no longer put their needs before mine. Sis, once I did that, I felt so much better!!!

I am pretty sure that most of you have found yourselves in situations similar to mine, because we want to avoid disappointing people we care about. But people who care about you shouldn’t want to overwhelm or overburden you. It is important that you realize that saying no is not the end of the world!

Now, don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that you need to say no to every single thing that is asked of you. NAH, sis I am not saying that at all (so please  don’t go into work telling your boss no, because I can not be held accountable for what might happen after). Now, what I am saying is that I don’t want you to feel obligated to do things, in order to keep others happy or to keep them from feeling a certain way about you. 

Understand that you have every right to say no, F*^@ an explanation Sis! You should never feel obligated to do anything that makes you uncomfortable, or inconveniences you! You must learn how to say no with no apologies or without feeling guilty. Remember: putting yourself first is not selfish! 

Now, let’s look at some ways that can help you say NO, gracefully:

  1. Avoid excuses, and just be honest: Quit trying to look for the perfect excuse to get out of something , that either inconveniences you or does not interest you. I mean what is the point of lying to someone just to get out of something? I promise you people respect you more when you are honest with them! 
  2. Let others know what you have going on: You have responsibilities and obligations to withhold, if your time, money or energy does not align with other people’s needs and wants, express that. 
  3. Trust that gut feeling: We as women have been blessed with the gift of intuition. You know that little voice in our heads that tells us not to do something, listen to it, trust it, become one with it! 
  4. Reduce stress: More than likely, if you end up agreeing to something that you honestly did not want to do, there is no doubt that you will experience regret and resentment. Understand that you will never be able to please everyone in your life, so my advice to you is to save yourself!  

Sis, I urge you to use the power of NO to create healthy boundaries in your life! 

In what ways have you all practiced self care by saying no? Leave it below in the comments!

4 Ways To Survive A Toxic Work Environment

Anxiety, Boss Up, Coping Skills, Mental Health, Mental Health Awareness, MinorityMentalhealthawareness, suggestions, Toxic Work Envoriments

I was out for dinner one night with a group of friends, and the topic of toxicity in the work environment arose. Almost everyone at the table began complaining about how their toxic jobs have been taking a toll on them. My only thought at the time was “oh s^*+ I’m not the only one” 😅

I’ve had my share of toxic jobs, from being a Pre-School teacher to interning at a Public school. And let me tell you the struggle has been REAL! It gets tiring and all you wanna know is: when is God gonna bless me with a job that will allow to me keep my Mental Health intact from Monday to Friday.

The most sane thing to do when in a toxic situation is to RUN 🏃🏾‍♀️!

I know people who have quit their jobs without having something lined up, because their work environment was just that toxic and stressful. And while that may work from some, that definitely would not work for me (trust me sis, I’ve considered it)! But I have grown women bills and responsibilities!

I imagine that a lot of us stay at a toxic work environment because we have bills and responsibilities. My mom (yes my mother) told me once “your job is 9-5pm, once you leave work leave everything that happened there, there don’t allow it to follow you home.” And remember, no matter how bad your situation is, there is always someone out there who is unemployed wishing they had a job.

So, yeah I’m kinda tell you be grateful for your toxic ass job! I mean your blessed to even have that job, right?

Listen, No job is ever worth your mental health or your sanity. However, you DO hold the power to not allow your job to impact your state of mind. It is completely up to you what does and doesn’t effect you at your place of employment.

No matter how irritated or annoyed you become, never compromise your integrity or character. Try asking yourself, “What lesson can be learned form this?,” instead of “Why is this happening to me?”.

Fun Fact: You May or May not know this, but Your growth and the lessons that you learn come from some of your most difficult situations. Your toxic ass work environment, with your micro managing supervisor, your annoying ass co-workers and terrible upper management are teaching you how to tolerate b.s without letting it affect you both mentally, spiritually and physically.

What’s the saying: “new levels, brings different devils”. Getting a promotion or leaving the job won’t change the fact that there will also be something to annoy or irritate you.

If you feel like your drowning and your sanity and mental health is in jeopardy, here are some ways to help you overcome the toxic work environment.

1. Find a hobby: Make sure it’s a healthy hobby! Now, there is nothing wrong with a glass of wine or a shot of tequila, but you want to do something positive to get your mind off of work. Relieve some stress by dancing or going to the gym.

2. Take Your mental health days: We all need a break! And sorry to say if you leave that job tomorrow, they would have your position on Indeed, by the following morning!

3. Leave work at work: when you leave work, turn off your work phone!!! And remember there is always tomorrow.

4. Stay positive: Firstly, remember how blessed you are to even have this job! Secondly, decorate your office space with things that make you happy, include pictures of your loved ones and pets. Play soothing music, or use relaxing oils. But do what you have to do to stay positive!

Sis is 2020 we are not letting anyone get on our nerves this year !!

What are some of things you do to tolerate a toxic working environment?

Girl, Boss Up And Get That Shit Done!!

Goals, Mental Health Awareness

Are you working on a new business? A new book? Are you considering going to back to school? Or switching your career path?

Aye , Get it Girl!!

Okay, Okay Hold Up! Before we start twerking and stuff!

when’s the last time you actually dedicated some quality time to you and your goals? How many times have you delayed the process? How many times have you sat down and planned out in your head that you would begin on your project but, your career, family, friends, relationships, romance, or just wanting to relax got in the way of your vision?

Trust me, I’ve been there done that!

It’s actually okay to take a mental break from your aspirations, career, dreams and education. I mean it’s practically essential, downtime gives us the opportunity to rejuvenate and start fresh! But how do you know when you’ve had too much downtime?

Me, I try to set weekly and monthly goals, because I like to be organized and blah blah blah. If your like me, you start off strong 💪🏾and than once you lose interest, or something else gets in the way, you wont even attempt to put work fourth as much dedication and energy as you once did. Once I get that way, I only work on my goals when I feel motivated (which sucks 🙄)!

FACT: You aren’t always going to be motivated, so find something that you are seriously passionate about and pool all your energy into that.

Just like the next girl I love a good procrastinating excuse: “I’ll get to it tomorrow” or “perfection doesn’t happen over night”. But there does come a time where you get tired of being stuck in the same place month after month, and year after year.

As a new business owner, I too have been stuck in the “procrastination phase”. The process of creating a brand has been enjoyable but hard as f%^* because it requires a lot of dedication, energy and time!! Face it, your not also going to want to work, some days you just won’t feel like doing (were human s%^* happens). But you have to ask yourself: “why did I start?”

It is time to get serious about the women you want to become, about your future and about the legacy you want to leave behind. This can be achieved by incorporating 3 simple steps into your daily routine.

1. Schedule blocks or sessions: just like you do with everything else, set aside a chuck of time and dedicate it to your vision.

2. Cancel all Doubts and Fears: quit living by statements like “ my time will come” or “ when the moment is right” or “everyone is doing it, I won’t get noticed”. These are the exact statements that detour you from your vision and you don’t need that s^#* okay sis?

3. Remember why you started: This always keeps me fighting 🤜🏾 and lights a fire under my ass! The people that I want to help, The strides toward Mental Health in the African American Communities that I want to make keeps me going!!

How are you gonna boss up and get s^%* done this year?

Share with us in the comments💎

Are You Good Sis?

comment, like, Mental Health Awareness, share, suggestions, support

Dear Colored Women,

You have got to protect your MAGIC (Period)! For Black women, our self care is so important! We spend the majority of our time caring for the needs of others — family, friends, coworkers and spouses; so much so that we tend to put our own basic needs on the back burner. Which can be very damaging for us in the long run. 

So Sis, it is time to take care of YOURSELF! How does that saying go ” You can not pour from an empty cup? Well, who ever stated that is absolutely correct! 

Many people tend to equate self- care with lavish Vacations, Spa Days and expensive gifts; while that is great, it is important for you to know that self-care isn’t a one-time occasion that occurs every so often — it’s a daily practice. With that being said, here are few ways in which you can practice self-care daily.  

Physical.  Incorporating just 30 minutes of exercise each day can make all the difference in not just your physical health, but your mental health. The benefits of exercise include mood improvement, stress reduction, better sleep, and a happier spirit. Eating healthy and getting at least 8 hours of sleep a night can also add to you physical well being! 

Emotional. Laugh. Listen to your favorite podcast. Dance (or twerk) like no one is watching. Color in an adult coloring book for 15 minutes. Play that hidden object game that you’ve been to busy for (is it just me or are hidden object games the BEST!). It can be anything that renews your spirit throughout the day.

Social. It is important to set Boundaries; Don’t really feel like going out with Keisha for happy hour after work? Don’t want to cover Sally’s shift at work today? Than don’t! In fact, You should make a habit out of saying NO,  to any requests to your time, energy and resources that don’t align with your wants or needs. It is important that you also surround yourself with a great support system. 

Spiritual. Take a moment every day to practice mindfulness. You can practice this on your own, or even download a meditation app. Breathe. Count to ten. Say a Pray. Talk to GOD. Because being in touch with your soul and inner emotions helps you feel more connected to the world and is a perfect way to relieve the burdens of  daily stresses. 

Finical. Saving, Budgeting, money management and paying bills in a timely manner are all crucial to not only our physical health but to our Mental health as well! Because lets be honest the majority of our stress comes from bills. So it is very important to stay on top of your fiancees.  So that credit card that you were thinking about getting… don’t do it Sis, you’ll thank me later!

There are obviously several more ways in which you can keep up with your self-care.  These are just the tip of the ice berg. Share with me some of the ways in which you take care of yourself. 

 

“Caring for myself…is self-preservation and that is an act of political warfare.”

-Audre Lorde