Why is it so difficult for us to just say “NO”?
Saying yes when everything in me wants to say no, has always been a major struggle! I rant and rave about self-care and Mental Health, and I am quickly learning that saying yes to s^*$ that I need to say no to is essentially putting myself on the back burner.
Essentially, when you do this you are placing the needs of everyone else before your own and inevitably your priorities become second to theirs. And Sis, that is not okay. PERIODT!
Recently, I have been experiencing HIGH levels of stress (In other words I’ve been stressed the f*^@ out) because I’ve been allowing myself to commit to the needs of others. There are goals that I’ve set for myself, which I would like to accomplish within specific time frames, yet and still, I chose to put the needs of others before mine because I’ve failed to say NO.
The things that I was committing myself to were more convenient for everyone else, but posed a huge inconvenience for myself!
After I almost had a mental breakdown from being completely overwhelmed, I knew I had to take a moment and focus on myself!
All the stress that I was experiencing could have easily been avoided if I had just been honest with myself and everyone else around me. There is no way that I could possibly be present for everyone else when I was absent with myself. Anyone who has ever traveled has heard this at one point in time: “In case of emergency, air masks will drop from the ceiling. If you are traveling with a minor, please put on your own mask before helping the minor.” It was at that moment, I realized that I would be no good to others if I didn’t take care of myself.
I’ve never been the kind of person who goes back on their word, but I had to let everyone know that I could no longer put their needs before mine. Sis, once I did that, I felt so much better!!!
I am pretty sure that most of you have found yourselves in situations similar to mine, because we want to avoid disappointing people we care about. But people who care about you shouldn’t want to overwhelm or overburden you. It is important that you realize that saying no is not the end of the world!
Now, don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that you need to say no to every single thing that is asked of you. NAH, sis I am not saying that at all (so please don’t go into work telling your boss no, because I can not be held accountable for what might happen after). Now, what I am saying is that I don’t want you to feel obligated to do things, in order to keep others happy or to keep them from feeling a certain way about you.
Understand that you have every right to say no, F*^@ an explanation Sis! You should never feel obligated to do anything that makes you uncomfortable, or inconveniences you! You must learn how to say no with no apologies or without feeling guilty. Remember: putting yourself first is not selfish!
Now, let’s look at some ways that can help you say NO, gracefully:
- Avoid excuses, and just be honest: Quit trying to look for the perfect excuse to get out of something , that either inconveniences you or does not interest you. I mean what is the point of lying to someone just to get out of something? I promise you people respect you more when you are honest with them!
- Let others know what you have going on: You have responsibilities and obligations to withhold, if your time, money or energy does not align with other people’s needs and wants, express that.
- Trust that gut feeling: We as women have been blessed with the gift of intuition. You know that little voice in our heads that tells us not to do something, listen to it, trust it, become one with it!
- Reduce stress: More than likely, if you end up agreeing to something that you honestly did not want to do, there is no doubt that you will experience regret and resentment. Understand that you will never be able to please everyone in your life, so my advice to you is to save yourself!
Sis, I urge you to use the power of NO to create healthy boundaries in your life!
In what ways have you all practiced self care by saying no? Leave it below in the comments!